Basically what it boils down is that I am dissatisfied with some of my decisions in life, or more accurately my lack of action upon ideas and goals. Basically I am not attaining my goals except a few superficial ones that I set for myself. I feel like I am wasting, or at least not using my time wisely. It seems like ever since I graduated high school and could actually start making choices and living my life I have been at a constant struggle between who I am in the moment and who I want to be. Surprisingly these two people, although myself, are different.
Hey do you like yourself?
After pondering over some things, I felt like I am wasting the little time I have here in Japan. But then stepping back I realize that I am not wasting my time since I usually do pretty cool things like ride a bike around Japan's largest lake. But I feel I am not utilizing my time to the fullest to achieve my goals. Many times I just feel lazy and worn out, but I realize this is not from doing nothing it is just from spinning my wheels most of the time, especially when it comes to social aspects in my life.
Living out in the countryside of Japan makes it even that much more difficult for me to find a social circle. Which I already feel I have issues meeting and becoming good friends with people in an easy environment. I just don't know how to meet locals, specifically my own age, in a relaxed and social environment. I met a 22 year old girl who is doing an internship at one of the elementary schools I teach at in my town and she grew up here, but is currently going to school in Tokyo. So I asked for some advice. I figured someone my own age who grew up in this town could offer me some insight on something fun to do. Unfortunately her answer was the same as everyone else's, in that there is nothing to do. I also found out that I am probably more out in the sticks than I previously thought since apparently my town has monkey sightings once and a while! WhooHoo!
The country does offer good sunsets, although through a cell phone lens.
Ah then there is the story of the leaky faucet. My kitchen faucet squirts out water, but I have fixed it with duct tape (Red Neck?). So far for about 3 weeks. This method seems easier at the moment since communicating with my supervisor in Japanese about a cracked faucet seems more difficult than the current solution. Plus since I haven't been utilizing my time productively after work, mainly napping and relaxing, my apartment is a mess and don't really want my supervisor to stop by to look at it.
I guess I am just feeling isolated, lonely and bummed. It doesn't help that the sun sets at about 5PM now, making my evenings even less exciting since solo adventures seem to be inhibited, or rather unmotivated, when it is cold and dark. Makes me really want to find a group of friends in or close to my town, or even a better option: single sexy female.
Nonetheless today I took a train ride to Hikone and bought a $40 used Timberland jacket shell. Don't know if the price was really worth it, but it fit me (no easy task in Japan) and with some waterproofing spay it may even be good for a light rain shower or snowboarding.
I also saw a weasel scamper across the mall's floor. Seriously! Highlight of my day. Haha.
So at least I went somewhere over this weekend. Can hardly believe I arrived in Japan 3 months ago. Teaching for 2 months already. But at the same time ONLY two months. Somehow I am in a paradox, it feels like I should be doing more and having more experiences somehow, but I have only been here for a short amount of time and looking back have experienced so much already.
I guess it is just that the experiences I want to experience the most are not being experienced. If that makes any sense. The battle continues between who I am, and who I want to be...letting opportunities and time slip between my fingers like the water slips between the crack in my leaky faucet.
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