Spring: Starting Over

The sweat is starting to accumulate under my sweater. I can hear birds singing and a crow almost gets knocked off a tree by his evil brother. The cherry blossoms in Kansai have come and are already on their way out. The urge to take off my pants when I walk through the door is back. Ah yes, winter is gone at long last. Spring is finally here and it is only a matter of time before the heat of a thousand suns and the humidity of a hundred swimming pools dumps itself on the beautiful green fields and concrete jungles of Japan.

In Japan the fiscal and academic new year starts with spring. Unlike my home country where everything either starts in the dead winter of January or the beginning of Autumn in September, Japan hails the coming of the new spring with new opportunities, students and teachers.

I know I've mentioned it in previous posts so I won't go into details. But this past year has both been amazing and extremely frustrating. With the coming of April, my supervisor has changed, we have almost 200 bright eyed new students and it is much easier to wake up when I don't have to face 6 degrees of bitter coldness on the other side of my sheets. I'm even finding that I will miss my quiet town and many of the reawakened smiles after winter's slumber. The warm sun really lets me appreciate the natural beauty that surrounds my home. And without me mentally cursing the frigid air, I even enjoy my short five minute ride to work in the morning. A convenience that I shall also miss.

When I notice this peaceful and comfortable lifestyle. Surrounded by a quiet neighborhood and my students calling out my name on my way to work or a trip to the supermarket for dinner, I truly question my choice to leave. With the change of a supervisor and a bunch of great new kids as well as my confidence at my school, I really think I will miss this place.

However, three years can be considered a long time. And maybe I have just become enlightened to the finer points of life. It actually all began after visiting an old friend visiting Japan and a few drinks. I rode my bike back from my station to my home, and decided to take a stroll around my neighborhood at midnight. Suddenly, something just changed and since that moment, I've been much happier and content.

So now, after many years of work and only a few months before leaving I am content with where I am and the work I do, for the most part anyway. It's rather ironic. However, contentment is usually caused by comfortably. Comfortably is nice, but it usually is caused by stagnation. When stagnant, it is hard to grow into a more powerful and whole individual. So maybe although I finally feel like everything fits, maybe it is a blessing that things are about to change. Another challenge to test my metal. Hopefully with what I have learned I can make my next life even better, and find myself in an even better situation.

Speaking of situations. I have learned that I will not be unemployed come August! Yes, I have found another job...in Japan. It isn't my dream job, and it is actually only temporary. It is still teaching English as an ALT, but I will work at both a high school and junior high school. So I should gain some knowledge working with an age group I have very little experience with. The city I will move to has a few more things than where I live now, and it is a bit more accessible. Pay and benefits are a little less, but that is to be expected when coming from the JET Programme. However, it feels like a good and somewhat safe move in a form of natural progression. Plus, I may even be teaching some of my junior high students in high school since the new school is only about 20 minutes away by train from where I live now. It will give me a time extension to contemplate my next move. Let me feel more certain on if I want to really leave the profession of English teaching. I can also continue making student loan payments which are currently my ball and chain.

I look forward to the next chapter, and hope that it will be better than all the previous ones. Until then, I will thoroughly enjoy this one.

Cherry Blossoms at the Osaka Mint Bureau

Swimming in a Disembodied Sea of Thoughts

Funny. Last time I made a post, I also skipped Iaido...

These past couple days I've felt a bit disembodied. I hope it is just a moment in my human existence that is out of balance and will return to equilibrium on its own. It may be the reason I missed Iaido this week, besides the cold, darkness on the other side of my apartment door.

My mind feels empty, because I feel as if it is floating somewhere above my body. However, it is not quiet. Maybe it left my body to try to find peace, but now it just hovers there, swimming. It is the feeling you feel when you just wake up. Not fully alert. The internal fire is low.

Work has been a bit stressful. Another teacher today found out I was going. She was surprised I had decided not to stay. She asked me what I was going to do. I responded in earnest, "I don't know." I told her my reason for leaving is that being an ALT would become boring if I worked at the same place for too long. I think this is true, but not really the reason. Again, I am flattered in knowing that my seemingly nonchalant co-workers will be sad to see me go.

As far as jobs go, it isn't actually all that bad. But it is a lot of little, unimportant things that build making me unsatisfied with my job. Things that I probably could change if I really tried to, for the most part. I feel imprisoned, but not completely uncomfortable. I am grateful for the past 2 and a half years! The job has allowed me to travel to many countries, support myself, learn a lot and grow as an individual. However, I am not happy. But there are many things that make me very happy and feel accomplished. I could be disillusioned. A fresh collage graduate whisked away to a foreign land with a good salary. However, I think that veil of adventure is lifting with time and that is the reason why I have become unsatisfied. More of my goals met. Stronger in my position. Advanced. Experienced. But, unsatisfied.

Recently I worry about my health. Not that there is great cause for concern, but I definitely feel my body limiting. It isn't as agile as I would like. It get's tired when I want to be alert to soak up information. It has trouble processing information to be deftly executed. Recently it has just felt like sleeping. It is a concern, and I wonder if it is just a combination of age and stress. I need to make a conscious action to improve my health through lifestyle and diet. But I can't help but to ask myself, "Do you remember the days when you were immortal?"

I don't know what it is, but from the time I arrived upon this earth, it as if I can feel the god energy draining from me. Even just 10 years ago, while I was a confused adolescent, I could feel the energy coursing through my veins. Now, many things seem dull. I can't even remember my best memory, nor my worst. Every thought just a shadow, that fades when I turn my head to look at it. Is this what it means to be human? I can feel the weight of my own flesh upon me.

My mind is swimming. The waves carry questions. What is the meaning of my mortal existence?What is my next move? Can I do it? How do I become stronger? How do I become wiser? Can I truly wake up? What makes me happy? Will I find the energy? Can I motivate myself properly?

Snowboarding atop Oku Ibuki, Shiga.

Heijoshin 平常心

I missed another Iaido class. In order to make up for it, I decided to read some philosophy. I particularly like learning about heijoshin, true peace of mind, and how it reflects in society. I figured I'd share a little.

"Society is like our collective shadow. If the shadow is bent and twisted, no amount of effort can straighten it. Only by straightening ourselves does our shadow also straighten, and then it does so effortlessly and automatically. So it is that reform must start with individuals and spread through society. It is a grassroots process in which each of us is either part of the disease or part of the cure."

Shimabukuro & Pellman, "Flashing Steel Second Edition" Berkeley, California 2008.

Sign On the Dotted Line

It’s only a little over two weeks away. February 10th. The day I must let my local board of education know about my re-contracting decision.

Today the principle called me into his office to inquire about my decision. I told him that I do not plan on staying a fourth year. He seemed disappointed. It makes me happy knowing that he values my work enough to try to convince me to stay. But it makes me sad knowing that I will be leaving a job that pays well and values my work. It makes the decision that much harder. Makes me wonder if I am thinking straight.

The last two and a half years have been a challenge. First, I was dealing with the isolation of living in a small town with no real support for foreign residents. Thankfully it wasn’t my first time to Japan. Then as I started getting use to quiet evenings alone in my apartment, and actually starting to enjoy them, my job and co-workers started irritating me.

It wasn’t that my job was bad or that my co-workers were mean. It was that I felt relatively transparent, although everyone was looking at me. I didn’t find the environment very welcoming, although I didn’t have a reason to really feel like the teachers had anything against me. Maybe we were both just shy. I still didn’t understand working in Japan, and they may have been worried about the only foreigner in the room. I loved teaching my students though. My first year and my second year with my students seemed to make everything okay, although my time in the classroom was very limited.

About a year ago my supervisor changed and my favorite group of kids left for high school. At first things seemed okay, just different. Then that difference reared its head as a problem. My supervisor was very unorganized, making my schedules overloaded and irratic. I became very busy, which I wanted until it was a busy in a underutilized manner. I have to plan a few full classes but my free time is used standing in a classroom as a human tape recorder. Students with behavioral problems, although nothing I feel like I can’t handle or really have to handle only being an assistant. It just makes it more difficult to teach.

Something keeps running through my head. It could be worse.

I may live in the countryside. But I am not in the middle of nowhere. After all I can be in one of Japan’s most famous cities, Kyoto, in 90 minutes. I see the greener grass on the other side of the fence though and want it. Kyoto and a life full of avenues are tempting me. Bigger cities, bigger possibilities.

I get paid a lot. I am fully insured. It is the first time in my life where I’m given opportunities to travel freely. Buy nice things. Eat whatever I want. Pay off loans. Pursue my interests. This is what I will miss the most. The freedom my somewhat imprisoning job gives me. I grew up on second hand and meager surroundings. To taste luxury once and a while makes the trials I've faced worth it.

My co-workers although a bit cold, are anything but mean. Every time I have talked to them, they have been courteous and friendly. My supervisor, although unorganized, I feel means well.

I’ve lived here for long enough that things are familiar. I have found an Iaido dojo to give me something to do during the week. I’ve met a wonderful girl who travels long distances on weekends to my house, which makes things much less lonely. It seems like the pieces of the past two years are finally coming together into a life.

Things seem great! However, I don’t look forward to going to work in the morning. Sometimes it causes me stress. I wonder if it is just the way I handle things and if I am not being grateful for all the amazing things being on JET has allowed me. I’m wondering if not re-contracting is a stupid move. Or on the flip side, I’m wondering if I am just afraid of making a leap towards change.

Am I afraid of change or stupid for leaving this all behind? Could I change the bad things and make them better? Or should I just start over from the beginning with the knowledge I gained up this point? Leave the money, the comfort and the professional dissatisfaction? JET is one of the best opportunities to teach English in Japan, but every situation is different so my particular situation may not be the best although it is light years from the worst. Knowing this, makes the decision that much harder.

I’m fed up with bosses and people scheduling my work (life) for me. I want to try doing it alone. Going freelance in Japan and teaching eikaiwa or working in a more supportive environment for my interests. It’s scary because I can become dead broke doing freelance. I have a feeling that I can also make more money, too. Be in control of what, how and when I teach. Live in a more urban area. This is if I decide to stay in Japan. My girlfriend really wants me to stay in Japan, obviously. I am looking forward to going back to the U.S., but I don’t know what kind of work I can do there. My degree and current work experience leads me back to Japan, although I hope I don’t have to teach English forever here.

There is also issues with visas. No easy task in Japan, especially if you do not have a company sponsor. Since 2010 they have made "self-sponsored" visas much more difficult to get. I love my girlfriend, but I don't want to marry her to stay in Japan.

I also want adventure. I want to go to Europe. Visit Finland, the UK, France, Italy, Greece! I’ve heard that maybe I can find work in Prague. The city seems amazing! Should I continue living a free life of a young man or consider the future and stability? Paradoxically, deep down I feel the freest life is the most stable.

Recently my mind has been living in the future. Although my present is safe, something is pulling me away. My signature decides my fate. I feel my fate is to meet the unknown.


Photograph by: =eyesweb1 @ Deviant Art

Fall-out

The air is getting crisp. Warm days have become cool days. Autumn is leaving and winter is coming. Change is peeking out from the shadows.

Autumn is my favorite season. It is a break from the heat and humidity of summer. It’s dryer than spring, and it’s full of beautiful colors. I think Japan has one of the best autumns because of its countless temples filled with maple trees making the early night time darkness a bright and vibrant red.

Fall colors at Kodai-ji, Kyoto.

Night is now reaching temperatures in the single digits, and winter will have its cold clutches on the Kansai region soon enough. Riding my motorbike after 5PM, when the sun sets, is like sipping lemonade in a walk-in freezer. For those of you who’ve never done this, it means it’s very cold!

It’s been 10 months since the Tohoku disaster. The region is slowly picking up the pieces of the destruction left in wake of the tsunami. Unfortunately, those pieces are being shipped to other regions of Japan. Already Tokyo is burning debris from Tohoku. Granted, this debris is being tested for radiation and if it has a low enough reading it will be shipped.

It’s great the country is coming together to help out, but the problem is that much of the debris does have radiation, even if it is a miniscule amount. In an unprecedented moronic move by the Japanese government, shipments of contaminated debris will be brought to Osaka to be burned! Now I’m not a radioactive expert, but I know for a fact that burning radioactive garbage will release other radiation into the air, unless proper air filtration is introduced. What is the government thinking?! Radiation should not be spread, even if it’s just a “little bit.” It should be concentrated at its source. No one really knows how much radiation is bad for you, however almost everyone knows that radiation is bad for you. The safest move is to keep radiation levels as low as possible.

Many Osaka residents are opposing the decision to burn debris from Iwate prefecture. I don’t blame them. So far the government has been pretty spotty on the facts of the whole Fukushima situation. At first it may have been in their best interest, but it has created public unease due to many people thinking they are not being told all the facts or simply being lied to.

Nuclear Protesters in Kyoto

It’s a sad situation. Tohoku can’t handle disposing all the debris alone, and the rest of Japan cannot be contaminated. If science and the government is accurate and forthcoming with concrete facts, which I personally believe they have not been, then I can see the logic behind shipping debris for disposal. But as it stands now, I personally am opposed to the idea to possibly contaminate a relatively contaminate free area with one of Japan’s highest population densities.

Billiken

What is Billiken? A god? A demon? Some statue found in obscure places around Osaka? Maybe he is all of these things.

I remember a couple years back someone told me that Billiken was a devil or demon of sorts. Just this past weekend I saw another Billiken statue in Osaka. I found it odd, why would there be little devil statues hidden throughout one of Japan's largest cities? So I decided to investigate.

Billiken in the Dormy Inn Lobby - Namba, Osaka

In 1912 Billiken came to Japan. He was brought to Luna Park in Shinsekai, Osaka. Shinsekai means "New World" in English and was an amusement park created in 1912 to model both New York City and Paris. My only experience there has told me that the place has seen better days. Credited as being the most dangerous area of Osaka, there is a large gambling problem and countless homeless and prostitutes littering the streets. Even though it is considered dangerous by Japanese standards, I would venture any trip during the day to be pretty safe as long as your not throwing your wallet around. Act like you would in any neighborhood in America, and I see it no more dangerous. Leave your wallet at the ramen shop and you may not get it back however.

A quick stroll around the streets and you will see Billiken around every corner. In front of restaurants, stores and pachinko parlors. So was Shinsekai once a city of sin that the devil soon forgot?

As it turns out, Billiken was born in St. Louis Missouri, U.S.A. in 1908. Billiken appeared in a dream of a woman named Florence Pretz, an art teacher and illustrator. Characterized by elf like ears, a small patch of hair on head, short legs and mischievous smile Billiken became known as a symbol of good luck. The only thing luckier than buying a doll of Billiken, was to have one given to you. Soon to become a wild fad of the early 1900s and a symbol of Americana in Japan for the amusement park in Shinsekai.

In Luna park a wooden statue of Billiken was enshrined as "The God of Things As They Ought To Be". Unfortunately, this slice of history went missing when the amusement park closed in 1923. However, you can see a replica in the Tsutenkaku tower in Shinsekai on the 5th floor, and countless images are near impossible to miss by just opening your eyes while walking down the decrepit steets of Shinsekai. Once and a while you may even see Billiken sitting somewhere far from his roots in other wards of Osaka or even in Kobe City. Billiken is a Symbol of Osaka as much as the Hachiko dog statue is of Tokyo.

If you find him, it may be wise to rub his feet and wish for luck. For he is "The God of Things As They Ought To Be."

Happy Halloween

It's Halloween in Japan and I celebrated with my friends in Kyoto. The theme for my costume was the Arabian Nights.

This is probably the only time I will have a harem.

I'm not quite sure who would be the more effective assassin.

It was a fun weekend. However, I didn't sleep Saturday night and ended up wandering the streets of Kyoto for a little longer than expected. Sunday I slept till 6PM!